Snapshots & The First Crusade Challenge

Friday, September 9, 2011


Yesterday, I had a meeting at the Constant Spring Golf Club so I used the opportunity to get a picture of the area leading to the first hole. Also got a shot of a massive French Peanut Tree. If you have sensitive sinuses, you don't want to be near this tree when it has blossoms. It’s not a good picture, but it was the best I could do, considering my first priority was supposed to be that meeting I mentioned. Yeah, you caught me. 

The grinning lad is my son on his first day back at school and the other picture is me sitting in his classroom, waiting to meet his new teacher. In the event that my ramble about the photos have bored you to tears, scroll down to the first challenge in the Platform Building Campaign. I’ll probably use this snippet when I get back to writing that book I talked about over at Carol Kilgore’s on Wednesday. 


Entrance to CSGC

French Peanut Tree
First day back at school for youngun.

Parent waiting to meet new teacher.

The challenge is to write 200 words beginning ‘The door swung open’ I’ve added the challenge of ending with ‘the door swung shut.’ You can see a list of the other entries here. I guess I could call my entry Assault & Battery.

The door swung open.

A shaft of light cut the gloom.

Corra raised her head, resurrecting a drumbeat of pain across her forehead. Her good eye was blurry, but the unmistakable shape of a man approached.

She stiffened her spine, anticipating more abuse.  

He walked around her and then stopped in front of the chair, his knees touching hers. In the silence, air whistled through his nostrils. The whistling would intensify as he exhausted himself battering her into submission.

He leaned forward and the combination of musty clothes and overripe armpit sent Corra’s stomach into revolt. She gagged and then cleared her throat of stomach acid.

His gravelly voice assaulted her ear. “See what you get for crossing him?”

A whimper escaped her swollen lips.

He took her response as insolence and a fist crashed into her forehead. A second blow flung her neck against the back of the chair. Blinded, she prayed she would black out faster than the last time.

“Maybe he’ll shoot you, or frame you for that murder. Either way he wins.”

The words acted like a wallop to the gut, stealing her breath.

He chuckled, crossed the cement floor again and the door swung shut. 

(200 words )

 
If you like my flash, go here  and vote for number  363. Have a wonderful weekend and meet some writing goals!
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50 comments:

  1. Isis RushdanSeptember 9, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    Wow, that was really brutal! What kind of jam did she get herself in? I felt her pain. Nice job!

    So, did you feel relieved with Youngun back in school?

    I almost didn't recognize you in the pic. Good look.

    ReplyDelete
  2. J.L. CampbellSeptember 9, 2011 at 11:36 AM

    Hey, Isis,

    Thanks for dropping in.

    My fiction always has a bit of violence. Makes me wonder about myself.

    Youngun makes morning rituals complicated as he won't move fast enough. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amanda MilnerSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    Wow! Poor girl!! I actually cringed a little reading this, so well done!

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  4. CherylAnne HamSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Great flash piece. Lots of emotion. I could really feel it. :D

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  5. BriannaSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    Wow! Powerful. I want to know more about this story.

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  6. Loree HuebnerSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    A Powerful piece of writing...emotional and gripping.


    Your son looks so happy! He must love school.

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  7. J.L. CampbellSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    Thanks for reading guys. Coming around to have a look see on your blogs. Loree, thanks. My son likes taking pictures, but hates school - well, until he gets back into the groove of things.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Avery MarshSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    Such a gruesome scene, and so well written, making me feel like I'm right there taking the blows with her. *shudders*

    Now, for the worst transition ever... your son is so cute! :) And you look like such a proud mom. ;) I wish you both a great start to the school year!

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  9. Doralynn KennedySeptember 9, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    Your son is turning into a handsome young man! It's so sad how fast our children grow up.

    What a powerful and heart wrenching scene. I wanted to reach through the screen and rescue her. Really vivid. You brought it to painful life.

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  10. Misha GerrickSeptember 9, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    Oh my word! I want to know what happens. :-D

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  11. J.L. CampbellSeptember 9, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    Avery, thanks for visiting. My son will be delighted with your comment and yes, I guess I am a proud mom. He's doing great so far.

    Thanks, Doralynn, I can't believe he's ten already.

    I think I'm going to insert this in a novel if I can bear to do that to Corra.

    Misha, me too, I gotta get on with writing.

    ReplyDelete
  12. RuSeptember 9, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    This is so sad! But I definitely want to know what happens next. Good job.

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  13. Golden EagleSeptember 9, 2011 at 1:25 PM

    Gripping piece of writing.

    I really hope he doesn't win. Somehow!

    My entry.

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  14. bridgetSeptember 9, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    That is so dark and brutal. Disturbingly well done. Mine is #72

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  15. Bish DenhamSeptember 9, 2011 at 4:46 PM

    Excellent description. Had me cringing.

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  16. Racquel HenrySeptember 9, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    Nice work, I voted for you! :)

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  17. J.L. CampbellSeptember 9, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    TGE, thanks!

    Bridget - I think dark and brutal are good descriptions.

    Appreciate the visit, Bish!

    Racquel, thanks I appreciate that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Carrie ButlerSeptember 9, 2011 at 5:49 PM

    Ouch! Great entry! :)

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  19. Susan OloierSeptember 9, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    Wow! What a scene! Poor woman. I could almost feel her pain.
    Your son is super, duper handsome! He has the greatest smile, too!!!

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  20. Mary MarySeptember 9, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    You have such a nice sense of tragedy and danger here. I definitely fear for your protagonist and whether she'll make to the end of the story alive or not! Nice job!

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  21. Patricia T.September 9, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    Graphic and disturbing. Well written.

    Patricia T.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Michelle FayardSeptember 9, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    Those are great photos of you and your son. And as for your flash fiction--wow! No wonder you rock hard with your books, because with only a few words you let me know the characters and feel along with them.

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  23. julie feddersonSeptember 9, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    Such intensity, made my stomach tight. I hope her story continues and ends in triumph. Your youngun looks so happy--love the thumbs up!

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  24. J.L. CampbellSeptember 9, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    Carrie, thanks!

    Susan, I don't know what drove me to put Corra through that. Thanks for your kind words. My son is grinning from ear to ear.

    Mary, oh, she'll make it all right. Thanks for visiting.

    Thanks, Patricia.

    Michelle, my son enjoys taking pictures and shooting photos. He's always playing around with the phone like that.

    I think I have a thing for romantic suspense and I like to take my characters to the limit. I've written six chapters of this one and someone's tried to drown her already. Today, I come up with this. I better be careful of she won't make it.

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  25. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    Wow. Amazing and disturbing. Good job.

    Have a great weekend.

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  26. Erin L. SchneiderSeptember 10, 2011 at 12:23 AM

    Congratulations! Your flash fiction has been chosen to go on to stage two of the competition. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four). Good luck with the next stages.

    Such intensity in just 200 words - great job!

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  27. Denise Covey September 10, 2011 at 2:44 AM

    Intense, brutal and that guy really gets off on battering her. Made it hard to read. Oh and congrats on getting into the next stage, That's wonderful and much deserved Joy.

    Makes our 400 words look a lot for RFWers doesn't it?

    Denise

    ReplyDelete
  28. Sarah TokeleySeptember 10, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    Ouch, that was tough to read. All the more so since it was well written. Well done on getting to the next round :-)

    I love the picture of your son.

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  29. J.L. CampbellSeptember 10, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    Thanks, Medeia, have a great weekend too!

    Erin, thanks! That's pretty cool. *Takes a break to dance around tiny computer desk*

    Thanks, Denise. This story keeps bugging me. Every time I have to write something. I write about these characters. It may be time to actually get back to writing their story. I'm always amazed that when I'm challenged I can fit a story into the number of words I'm giving to work with. Good practice, I think.

    Thanks, Sarah. It was challenging to write. I like this girl. She's a sweetheart. My son says thanks - with a cheeky grin.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Erin L. SchneiderSeptember 10, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    Hi Joy!
    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog - my post is #54!
    Best of luck in the upcoming rounds!

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  31. Theresa MilsteinSeptember 10, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    Your son looks so happy! I like the picture of you too.

    That poor woman. What has she gotten herself into?

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  32. J.L. CampbellSeptember 10, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    Thanks for letting me know, Erin.

    Thanks, Theresa. When this boy sees a camera, he's all teeth.

    Yup, Corra seems to have gotten herself into a tight spot.

    Thanks for reading.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Karen deBlieckSeptember 10, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Loved your piece. It really drew me right in to the situation. I felt sorry for her though...I'm curious to know what she did and how she could deal with this situation so well. Congrats on going to the next level of the competition. :)

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  34. Tina DC HayesSeptember 10, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    You both looked picture perfect for your son's first day. :)

    Cool entry for the challenge, and you've got one of my 'Linky Like' clicks. :) This seems a lot darker than most of your writing, but very effective at drawing emotion and giving a visual image of what was going on.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Talli RolandSeptember 11, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    What a handsome young man! And is he actually so happy to be back in school? :)

    Fantastic flash fiction piece!

    ReplyDelete
  36. J.L. CampbellSeptember 11, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    Thanks, Karen, I appreciate the visit.

    Tina, thank you. Yes, it is darker than my usual stuff. Dunno what came over me when I banged this out on Friday.

    Hi, Talli,


    Thanks for dropping in. The little guy is happy because of the picture taking.

    I keep telling him I don't understand how a child as bright as he is doesn't like school.

    Thanks for your kind words!

    Enjoy your day.

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  37. NasSeptember 11, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Oh, your son is adorable!

    Awesome piece of writing here!

    All the best!

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  38. Deniz BevanSeptember 11, 2011 at 3:53 PM

    Gorgeous photos, as usual :-)
    But oh, that story! So harrowing! I hope she gets out and gets the better of them!

    ReplyDelete
  39. J.L. CampbellSeptember 11, 2011 at 8:48 PM

    Thanks, Nas and Deniz. Oh yeah, Corra will get out of this pickle eventually.

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  40. David P. KingSeptember 12, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    What an incredibly harsh character. You don't hesitate at all, being mean to your MC.

    Great job, J! :)

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  41. UnknownSeptember 12, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    Wow, that is a hectic piece of flash fiction... Pretty scary, but well written.

    PS. Such a cute pic of your son :-)

    ReplyDelete
  42. J.L. CampbellSeptember 12, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    David, this came to me on Friday and I ran with it. I think I might actually use it in the story I should be writing, but have taken a break from.

    Thanks, Rachel.

    This girl has indeed got a raw deal.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Shannon LawrenceSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    That girls has gotten herself into some serious trouble; very intense!

    Congrats on the beginning of the school year!

    Mine is 291: http://thewarriormuse.blogspot.com/2011/09/first-campaign-challenge-flash-fiction.html

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  44. Len LambertSeptember 13, 2011 at 7:11 AM

    Oh dear, poor girl. I felt her pain and fear. I wouldn't want to be in her position. Great job, JL!

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  45. J.L. CampbellSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    Coming over to read yours, Shannon.

    Thanks, Len. I wouldn't want to be her either.

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  46. Katie DodgeSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Wow. Powerful writing! You painted a very intense scene wonderfully in 200 words. Great job! :)

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  47. J.L. CampbellSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    Thanks, Katie. I appreciate you stopping in.

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  48. Arlee BirdSeptember 14, 2011 at 3:43 PM

    I agree that this was brutal. But it was vividly rendered and had a lot of impact.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  49. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    wow! this was brutal well written, you ARE going to use it I hope. When the book is written let me know would love to read it.

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  50. J.L. CampbellSeptember 14, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    Arlee, oh yes. I hated to beat her up like that, but it was for a writerly cause.

    TPD

    I hope I get around to writing this soon.

    I have the characters, just haven't touched them in ages.

    Thanks for stopping in.

    ReplyDelete

Don't be shy, I'd love to hear what you think.

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